5/6 Complete with Rough Chemo and the Noonmark Cafe

The finish line is near. For the first couple rounds of chemo, it seemed an abyss that one could never climb out of. Looking at a year of rough seas ahead when you're already seasick is a dim prospect indeed.

But, I did the only thing that I could -- pressed on -- and this week, providing my counts are high enough, we'll start round 6 of 6.

This last round promises to be another hellish affair, but I'm as ready as I'll ever be. The final sprint to the finish line is always the most painful part of a race, the night is always darkest just before dawn, and many other metaphorical cliches...

On the topic of endurance sports, I ran a marathon this weekend. Well, that's not exactly true... An employee (Erin) of an environmental advocacy group that we often work with ran a marathon with the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's team in training program. One of my colleagues donated in my honor (thank you, Wheeler), and Erin tied the names of everyone who had donations in their memory or honor to her shoelaces. I hear that Erin finished the 26+ miles, and she deserves congratulations.

Those of you who know me well know that I've always spent my life in pursuit of adventure. My general philosophy on life has been to escape long enough to experience some terrific stories, come back just long enough to share them with some friends, then head out on a new adventure to build some new material.

This adventure has tended to take two forms that often overlap with one another -- exploring the outdoors and participating in endurance sports.

I suppose it is natural that I looked to fighting leukemia as an adventure as it has been the longest and most challenging endurance competition of my life -- I can only laugh as I look back and see that I chose to subtitle my blog "the leukemic adventures of Sam Weis" so long ago now.

The outdoors are an indescribably important part of my life. The influence of my grandfather -- who took me fishing beginning when I was three, -- the experience of growing up in the northwoods and working in a sporting goods store, combined with my sense of adventure and strong curiosity, all intersect to provide a nearly unparalleled appreciation for nature.

The closest thing to religion I have ever found is standing on the shores of a pristine trout stream lost in the wilderness, with the smooth cork of a fly rod in my hand. I will never understand creation, but I am left speechless and in awe of the world anytime I venture past the boundaries of land tainted by the destructive tendencies of man and head into the wilderness.

Jim Harrison says that there are two types of people in the world. Those who, if rich, would live in a palace, and those who would live in a cabin. Many of my best nights have been spent in a tent.

Which brings me to the Noonmark Cafe.

One of my favorite outdoor trips is backpacking in the Adirondack Mountains State Park in upstate New York. One of the unique features of the park is that communities settled within the parks boundaries before it became a state park, and are still allowed to exist and thrive in the park today.

As a result, the park is big enough that one can get lost in the wilderness for days, but small communities within the park provide a bit of comfort and history when you come out.

Now, I love backpacking. I love to leave the "conveniences" of chirping cell phones, laptops, cars, and the 24-hour news cycle behind, strap all my needed belongings to my back, and disappear for a few days. I find this to be a cleansing and restorative experience, and I try to do it at least once or twice a year.

And the best part about backpacking -- I also love it when it's over. Sleeping on a hard floor, fearing being eaten by bears, eating dehydrated food, shitting in the woods, and having to purify every drop of water you drink makes you realize just how many everyday luxuries we take for granted.

Inevitably after a few days in the woods of the ADK, as we begin to turn back and head out of the woods, my mind begins to wander to the Noonmark Cafe.

The Noonmark is tucked away in the heart of the high peaks region of the Adirondack park. What makes it so special is that there is nothing special about it -- it's just a small place that makes the calorie-heavy, tastey food that only tastes so good after you've spent 5 days deprived of hot, well-cooked meals.

It's the type of place where they don't care how bad you smell or how dirty you are, and where you could care less that you haven't bathed, showered, changed, or shaved in five days. It's the type of place where you can get a burger with fries smothered in gravy and wash it down with a blueberry muffin the size of your head. In short it's my kind of place.

And after 5 days in the wilderness, on the last night of a trip, I would salivate as I fantasized about hiking out and going to the Noonmark cafe in the morning.

And the Noonmark would never fail to meet my expectations when I got out of the woods.

On the eve of round number six, I look at it as the dawn of my last day in the woods. I still have to pack up camp, strap on my pack, and make the long hike out of the woods, but I am eager with child-like anticipation as I know that on the other side the Noonmark cafe, and my plate of fries smothered in gravy, awaits.

-Sam

The New Business Casual

As much as I hate working from home, it does have some advantages. Today I replaced my normal khakis and an oxford with a striking and sexy combination of a white tee-shirt and yellow boxers with bicycles on them as I worked away at my home office.

I realized at one point that any neighbors or passers-by could see in easily through a window, but didn't take any action as I figured that working in one's underwear is a liberty one can take when going through chemo. Other liberties I take include:

-Eating shamelessly high calorie food without guilt
-Renting golf carts for 9 holes
-Driving to work instead of biking
-Taking a midday nap when necessary
-Urinating anywhere outside (sometimes you've just got to go...)
-Publicly discussing bodily functions

This list is by no means exhaustive, but it's at least a good beginning.

Anyway, the last blood tests showed that I utterly lack an immune system at the current time which is why I'm working from home. Being here is beginning to bore me, however(as you can probably tell from the frequent blog posts). I think I might cheat and go back to the office for the rest of the week as today I had the bone pain that usually accompanies rising counts...

Finally, a video that most of you have probably seen, but is well worth watching for its humor and satire:

Protect Insurance Companies PSA from Will Ferrell

Take Care,

Sam

Nutritional Highlights

Is anyone else really tired of marketers shamelessly promoting junk food as healthy? Now, don't get me wrong, I like my guilty pleasures as much as anyone, but I distinctly and fondly remember a time when marketers were more honest and appealed to our baser interests -- our taste buds -- instead of twisted nutritional logic.

As I type, a box of Lucky Charms -- The upper class cousin of my favorite "Marshmallow Maties" -- sits at my desk. On the top of the box, a large banner reads "Whole Grain Guaranteed" and "Nutritional Highlights." On the bottom, a large banner reads "Good Source of Calcium and Vitamin D."

Now I don't eat Lucky Charms for the nutrition, I eat it for the marshmallowy deliciousness. I really hope that the American public does the same, but my training in market research suggests that Kraft Foods probably puts a lot of money into their marketing, and this empty rhetoric actually works.

The irony is, of course, that truly healthy foods (i.e. broccoli)has no packaging to promote its nutritious benefits. If food promotes its healthful benefits in a grocery store and loudly proclaims "Smart Choices Made Easy," then it probably isn't that healthy.

I'd protest by giving up my Marshmallowy treat, but its just too delicious to boycott. And, at least I can still talk like a leprechaun (or Pirate) as I eat them and they still leave games to play on the back of the box. I guess there's really just a little kid in all of us -- well, at least in me.

We're nearing the end of round #5, and my counts are once again hammered. Friday was spent getting blood transfusions, and today receiving what should be my last chemo of the round. Whenever my immune system gets this low I end up with the Top Gun theme "Danger Zone" stuck in my head for days -- Thank you, 1980s.

Comment Question of the Day:

What is your favorite unhealthy breakfast cereal?

Welcoming Autumn,

Sam

Walking into Mirrors...

I'm not sleeping too well these days. I lie awake in bed for hours at night, just to fall asleep in the wee hours of the morning and awake to find myself doing strange things like trying to walk through mirrors. As I explained to Katie, I was probably just trying to enter another dimension... Or, maybe it's just that I'm so good looking that I can't get enough of myself, even in my sleep...

Anyway, kidding aside, you all know from previous posts that I have some interesting sleep habits (disorders). In light of the strange sleep occurrences of the past couple weeks, I feel its appropriate to relay one of my favorite sleep stories.

Three years ago or so during Christmas break, my mom, dad, sister (Kate), my dog Junior, and I all piled into a car to head to Florida. Traveling with a young family is a normal event, but two empty-nesters driving two adult children plus a dog 1600 miles presents a comical situation in and of itself.

So, we left Madison in the evening and due to my father's need to "make good time," and chronic inability to stop and sleep when traveling (another genetic deficiency I unfortunately inherited), we arrived at our destination in Florida at around 2 in the morning.

Unfortunately all of the motels we checked had no vacancy, until finally we found one with a room at around 3am, but this one also had a giant "ABSOLUTELY NO PETS ALLOWED" sign in the front window of the office.

We decided to risk it and Dad went in to reserve a room. Upon entering our room, Dad let Junior (a dachshund, by the way) down to run. Just then a shady character exited the room adjacent and Junior went crazy barking.

Luckily, the office must not have heard the commotion, and we deftly scooped up Junior and headed into the room.

Exhausted all of us crashed and immediately fell into a comatose state -- Kate and Mum in one bed and Dad, Junior and I in the other.

I must pause and explain that I've learned that I tend to do crazy things in my sleep when:

1. I'm really sleep deprived
2. I'm in a foriegn place
-or-
3. I've been on the road for a long time

Now, this night all of these factors were at work and I awoke at 4 am with Junior barking wildly, me on my knees screaming at the top of my lungs holding my Dad's arms down above his head.

As I slowly come back to consciousness, I realize that my Dad, also asleep, is fighting back mightily and screaming himself.

Around this time, Kate wakes up to the commotion, sits straight up, and begins clapping her hands, screaming "STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!"

Then, as quickly as the commotion erupted, Dad stopped screaming and rolled over, Kate, Junior and I went back to sleep, Mum mumbled something incoherently, and it was once again silent.

What the occupants of the adjacent room must have thought, I can only imagine. I only know that if I had heard the screaming, the commotion, and the dog going crazy, I probably wouldn't have gotten a whole lot of sleep in the thought that a mass murder had probably occurred one door over...

Neither Dad nor I know who started the screaming, and how we didn't get kicked out of the motel that night I will never understand.

Back to the present, on Saturday Dad and I went twilight golfing at The Bridges. I had a great time, but for the first time in my life rented a cart instead of walking the course. After six holes I was rather tired and decided I had best put down the clubs and play Caddy for the remainder of the night.

On Sunday I felt like I had run a marathon. It's a good sign you're out of shape when you can hardly move after six holes of golf...

As we near the end of stage 5, I'm rather worn out, but I suppose that is to be expected after nearly 10 months of chemo.

I hope this early fall finds you all well.

Off to Bed...

Sam

Insomnia

Insomnia is an uninvited guest
who stays in your bedroom
and rattles your sanity.

It is the close cousin of the crazed man
who drives incessantly through the night
with the bright lights of a city bypass
flashing rapidly at his windshield.

Insomnia gives audience
to the orchestra of crickets
just outside the window,

To the lonely sound of car tires
whose solo drivers depart
on unknown cross-town missions,

And to the chorus of excitable dogs
whose barks pierce the still, dark
air of a late summer night.

Mr. Schmidt... I just don't get you...

So said a student to my friend Schmidty on his first day teaching in Milwaukee. This made me laugh really, really hard and also made me feel old. When your peers assume positions of responsibility, it's a sign you're growing up.

I'll resist the push to grow up for as long as possible...

I know, I know -- It's been far too long since an update.

I've been doing generally well, tired from so many months of chemo, and trying to put all of my energy toward work.

Highlights/Notable events over the past few weeks include:

-Getting back to the office quite a bit (My favorite place to be right behind on the water...)

-A Sunday spent in the ER with vomiting and intense shoulder pain and a mystery diagnosis...

-A great weekend up north with Mum, Dad, Katie and my friends Pete and Annie.

Because there's a growing demand for more frequent updates, I'm going to begin posting random creative jibberish that I have no other use for. In this spirit, I present to you a poem written this evening:

The Sweet Smells of a Summer Stroll

It takes a cold heart
to not derive great pleasure
from the smells found
on a late summer stroll
through the outskirts of a city.

The strangely sweet smell
of freshly-mowed grass
mixes with the intoxicating scent
of freshly ground beef seasoned
heavily with lemon pepper
broiling over a bed of hot charcoal;
together, these scents warm my soul.

I suppose it is not the smells alone
that bring such great pleasure,
but more so the memories that they conjure.

In the careless years of childhood
spending hours playing catch barefoot
in the cool, soft grass
of a newly-mowed lawn
on a lazy summer Sunday.

In the careless years of college,
the festive impromptu backyard barbecues
where we’d grill beef and sweetcorn
while imbibing whatever libations we had on hand
filling the night with food, drink and merriment.

Remembering the many good days gone by
and the many more to come
I am filled with great cheer
as I walk among the quaint homes on Oakridge
and enjoy the sweet smells of a late summer stroll.

Sometimes Truth is Stranger than Fiction -and- Why I don't Keep Weapons Near Where I Sleep

Part I: Wisconsin Generates Some Interesting News:

One might think that the mayor of Wisconsin's biggest city getting beat up by a man with a pipe while heroicly responding to the distress calls of a woman at a state fair would be the biggest news story of the day.

This story, however, was overshadowed by the Governor's announcement that he wouldn't run for re-election.

But, neither of these stories can compete with the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile's recent crash into a home in Racine.

Yup, sometimes truth really is stranger than fiction.

Part II: Why I don't keep weapons near wear I sleep:

Reason number one -- one we can all learn from:

Last night in the dark draining hours of the morning I woke up to a crash coming from inside our apartment. I asked Katie if I were dreaming or if she had heard such a crash.

"I thought I had been dreaming," she responded.

So, I bravely began exploring the apartment for an intruder. After cautiously exploring the kitchen and the dining room, I continued into the living room then saw a shadow coming around the corner toward me from the dining room.

Ready to spring toward the intruder and unleash 125 pounds of fiery, I noticed that the shadow of the intruder was rather petite and had long hair.

Katie, walked around the corner.

So, here's some advice for all of you: If someone you live with is looking for an intruder in your house, announce your intentions before joining them, lest you get mistaken for an intruder...

The loud crash, by the way, turned out to be a picture falling off the dining room wall.

Reason number 2 -- One that applies only to me (and my father):

Due to some strange genetic deficiency that is easily traced to my father, I easily mistake the dream world and real world as I sleep. This confusion results in some interesting behavior including wandering around the room mumbling, sitting straight up and screaming in the middle of the night, getting violent, and other experiences that can make sleeping in a room or tent with me a rather exciting experience.

In the past I have dreamed that I was in a tent with no zippers only to awaken in the middle of the night in a tent, panic, and come to only to find myself holding a knife ready to cut my own exit.

When I was young I once walked out of my grandparent's motor home in the middle of the night on the shores of Lake Superior wearing only tighty whities. Luckily my Grandmother heard my exit and sent my Grandfather (also only wearing tighty whities) to find and retrieve me. I can only hope that someone peered out their window in the campground at some point to see an 8-year-old and his grandfather wandering around the grounds in only underwear.

There are many, many other entertaining stories of strange actions occurring in my sleep.

Anyway, I've decided that when strange and uncontrollable behavior occurs in my sleep it's probably best that I hide anything of danger when I doze off. Even though I am terrified of getting eaten by a bear, I resist the urge to carry a gun or a hatchet when I backpack lest I accidentally murder my tentmate in my sleep (your welcome, Lommen, Phil, and Schmidty.)

So, those are the two primary reasons I don't sleep near weapons or sharp objects.

That's all I've got. I'm enjoying the end of summer but very much looking forward to the refreshing briskness of the coming fall.

Take Care,

Sam

"Your blog sucks, I'm tired of reading about that damn race"

Those were the words that my colleague and buddy Ryan greeted me with today. I take them both as a compliment and as a sign it's probably time for an update...

Monday began round five of six rough rounds and we started out with a spinal tap, and two chemo drugs. They maxed me out with a dosage of sedation, but I could still remember being in quite a lot of pain during the procedure -- I found out why the next morning when I looked in the mirror and saw multiple holes in my back. Katie counted six different holes in my spine.

I really can't complain, however, this was spinal tap number 11 and my Doctor had a perfect record for the first ten. I suppose everyone has an off day every now and again.

Tuesday was day two and a dose of Peg Asparaginase -- a drug that knocks me out pretty good for a day or two.

Thus, Wednesday I was pretty useless and spent a great deal of time on the couch watching daytime television. At one point I actually watched about 3 or 4 minutes of "Jon and Kate Plus 8" before snapping out of it and realizing what I was doing. I swiftly retreated to my office in a self-loathing mood to think about what I had done.

On the brighter side, I caught the Presidential Medal of Freedom Award Ceremony on CSPAN -- Yes, I am that big of a nerd to watch CSPAN. If you ever want to feel inspiration and as though you've accomplished next to nothing in life, I highly recommend watching one of these ceremonies. It really was amazing to see so many people who have so profoundly changed our world in one place.

On an especially interesting note, the woman who discovered that leukemia is caused by a chromosomal abnormality -- the biggest breakthrough in cancer research to date -- received an award. I had never so much as heard of her before watching this ceremony. See, you really do learn something new every day -- even when your indolent and barely conscious on the couch.

All right, this is a pretty boring update, but the muse just hasn't been singing -- I've had a very good couple of weeks but very little inspiration when it comes to writing. I'll come up with something a bit more entertaining and update soon.

I hope you're all well and enjoying the last weeks of summer (at least up here in the North)...

Comment Question of the Day:

What's one TV Show, Movie, or Music Album that you're embarrassed to admit you've watched or owned?

Take care,

Sam